I usually leave this sort of thing for my journal because if the world truly understood the way I felt, I’d be a complete outcast. Really, I’ve always felt like didn’t belong anywhere. My own mother abandoned me. She speaks to me almost 3 days out of the year. I’m not sure how many people can relate but, it’s probably the most painful thing I’ve ever had to bear. My entire childhood I was mocked and ridiculed for being mixed, smart and without parents. I can honestly say I’ve only had 2 friends from my town growing up. If i didn’t get tough and cynical I would have shriveled up and died back then. Now, when things are good, I can’t change how hard the world made me. I can’t undo the past. All I can I can do is move forward. I’m successful because of what life made me overcome, but I flounder socially because of it. I can’t keep friends and my words remained unfiltered and piercing. All I can do is apologize for the feelings I hurt and accept that I’m different. I’ve always had a lot of emparhy for serial killers, because like them, I’m incompatible with this world. Nothing I can do is going to change that.